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Tuesday, March 21st, 2006
3:29 pm - stone face, tongue of dust.
stone face, tongue of dust

i've memorized
the contents of
this fun little dungeon

day follows day
my eyes follow
my body's shadow
across the walls

i'm in suspense,
wondering when
the rats will arrive.

-jd nelson

current mood: sleepy

(8 songs | sing for strength)

Monday, March 13th, 2006
1:51 pm - recluse.
my apologies for the unannounced disappearance.
i'm sorry if i got some of you worried - i tend to dip & weave out of existence. some sort of poet thing, i suppose. i love generic subculture stereotypes that i can use to explain my erratic behaviour.

anyway, the deal is this:
i turned 22.
i've moved back in with my parents. [you try paying rent & bills on a nude model's salary.]
all my health issues flared up. for those of you who are aware of these issues and what they entail, continue reading. to the rest, there's nothing to see here. [unless you have some sort of morbid curiousity. pervert.]

my physical & mental health do this sort of see-saw thing, but train wreck into each other sometimes, and one or the other is usually up in the air. currently they both decided to get together behind my back and plot some sort of hilarious vindictive comeuppance on me, and i'm feeling pretty shitty overall. the last few weeks i've been out of bounds, out of sorts, out of sight. i am a hermit. the good news is... i am of the mind that when things get this bad, they can only get better. i'm trying new pills and treatments. new doctors, even. my skin condition is settling down [for those morbidly curious perverts i mentioned earlier: i am allergic to some human beings. yes, seriously] but i still don't feel prepared to interact with people until it improves a bit more. less anxiety. better appetite. normal breathing. sleep is still something elusive and slippery, so the possibility of visiting another sleep clinic looms. my parents & sister rock socks somethin fierce and take good care of me. that is the unofficial update.

telephones suck. by this i mean don't bother calling me: i never answer my cellphone. it is usually off. i think it'll go back on next week sometime, but i'm trying not to get ahead of myself. if you want to reach me, i'm going to try to weasel my way onto my sister's computer once a day. e-mails are cool.

in other news: my little siamese fighting fish zero passed away. he lived a long life and i was kind of expecting it - he was old and not eating as much. but still, sad sad.

what have i missed?

ps: chances are, if you are reading this, i love you tons & tons and miss you etc.

current mood: thoughtful

(31 songs | sing for strength)

Monday, February 6th, 2006
7:34 pm - nothing means a thing to me
i'm feeling melancholy.
near tears.
outwardly, life is splendid...
things with nisa are incredible.
i've been accepted to model with deviantnation.
i'm starting classes at camosun.

but oh, my heavy heart...
my body & mind are just aching. it's hard to figure out.
vitamin d?

on this day in 1945, bob marley was born.
...my feet is my only carriage,
and so i've got to push on through
oh, while i'm gone,
everything's gonna be alright...

current mood: numb

(15 songs | sing for strength)

Friday, February 3rd, 2006
8:50 pm - we all use each other like we use food and water
i have come to a major decision:
i am tired of living alone.
i'd like to try living in a big household once again.

so i have been scanning the classifieds... and, remarkably, there are a number of 4-6 bedroom houses for rent in the coming months. i am very serious about picking out a nice big place and turning it into a queer vegetarian haven. i'd prefer to have this house be a cunted-roommates only place [that is, most certainly, trans friendly]. i'd like to move in april 1st.

anybody interested?

i'm veryvery serious about this, so please lemme know if you are at all interested, and we can talk about it further.

current mood: nostalgic

(6 songs | sing for strength)

Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
1:08 am - my thoughts are crabbed and sallow
february has snuck up on me.
time to pay rent.

but a plus is that it will soon officially be the month of my birth and i can anticipate some joyful celebrations. so far i have planned a day with my family, ice skating with beth, cartoon watching with stuart, and dinner with korbin. would anyone like to make any birthday related plans? really, it's just an excuse to do some fun stuff and reconnect with the people in my life. i tend to isolate myself. so... if you want to do something fun sometime soon, please do it with me. is all i'm saying.

and... what are yr feelings on a potluck? would you want to come? maybe include a clothes swap in with that for an added incentive to come on over? hrm.

anyway. now i'm off to bed to do some reading [still taking my time to fully enjoy each passage in ulysses by james joyce] and let the rats get a little bit of exercise. i let them loose in my room while i read in bed, and they just go to town - running all over the place, tearing up bits of carpet. they've most recently decided that it is a fabulous game to crawl up my bookshelf and somehow wedge themselves behind the books, where they then give a giant heave and fling books from their shelves. their record so far is four books in one night. whew!

ps: i have another date with nisa on wednesday.<3

current mood: mellow

(14 songs | sing for strength)

Sunday, January 29th, 2006
11:28 am - sure as the devil
from the online etymology dictionary:


1615, from L. hystericus "of the womb," from Gk. hysterikos "of the womb, suffering in the womb," from hystera "womb" (see uterus). Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus. Hysterics is 1727; hysteria, abstract noun, formed 1801.

my newest power word has been hysteria. as an act of reclamation.
yes, i am fucking hysterical.

is anyone else interested in etymology from a feminist perspective?
our current language structure is something that fascinates me to no end.

also of interest:


1682, from L. vagina "sheath, scabbard" (pl. vaginæ), from PIE *wag-ina- (cf. Lith. voziu "to cover with a hollow thing"), from base *wag- "to break, split, bite." Probably the ancient notion is of a sheath made from a split piece of wood (see sheath). A modern medical word; the L. word was not used in an anatomical sense in classical times. Anthropological vagina dentata is attested from 1908.

O.E. husbonda "male head of a household," probably from O.N. husbondi "master of the house," from hus "house" + bondi "householder, dweller, freeholder, peasant," from buandi, prp. of bua "to dwell" The sense of "peasant farmer" (c.1220) is preserved in husbandry (first attested c.1380 in this sense). Beginning c.1290, replaced O.E. wer as "married man," companion of wif, a sad loss for Eng. poetry. The verb "manage thriftily" is 1440, from the noun in the obsolete sense of "steward" (c.1450). Slang shortening hubby first attested 1688.

curiouser & curiouser.

current mood: sleepy

(10 songs | sing for strength)

Saturday, January 28th, 2006
1:33 am - i pledge allegiance to the underworld
my 22nd birthday is coming up this february 20th [a monday].
i have no idea what to do in celebration.

i have a day spent with my family already planned out...
my mom, dad & younger sister [tessah] are all going out to mole for lunch, and then off to the butterfly gardens. afterwards, we are going home for some yummy cake [my mom makes a decadent vegan version of her classic chocolate creamcheese bundt cake] and opening of presents.
which i think will be very nice.

however, i have yet to figure out what i want to do with my friends. originally, i was just going to throw a potluck at my place, and basically send out a mass e-mail and post something up here inviting everyone i know.
but then i realized that i have accumulated a diverse amount of wonderful people in my life, and many do not know each other, and many more DO know each other but reallyreally don't get along. and then there is always the inevitable dyke drama, and i really don't want to deal with all of that in my tiny little one bedroom basement suite. ugh.

so maybe a dinner out? or bowling? and what do i do in those situations... make different plans for different groups of friends? seriously, this is all ridiculus.
let's hear some wonderful fun ideas people.

current mood: intimidated

(20 songs | sing for strength)

Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
8:01 pm - hands that rest on jutting hips repenting
yesterday i had one of the best dates ever.

last weekend i met an adorable girl dancin at evolutions... i was lucky enough to score her number and later in the week we talked & made plans.
her name is nisa. <3
and she is freaking adorable.

anyway, we met up at solstice cafe around 5pm and just sat and ate & drank for a good hour... seems we have a lot in common and had wonderful conversations about writing, traveling, our families, dreadlocks... lots of subject matter was covered. our plan was to head to lucky bar around 9pm for battle of the bands, which my friend was competing in [glenn, the guitarist for the burbank project]. so at around 6pm solstice closed and we moseyed our way out into the cold... we had no real plans of what to do with ourselves for the next three hours, but we agreed going some place warm would definitely be in our best interest.
so we went to chapters! which included about an hour of purusing a lot of useless crap they sell [paperweghts, robotic pens, etc...] and drooling over all the books we couldn't afford. more fabulous conversation occured, and we looked through a very inspiring book of photographs from africa... and then on to the children's section, where we had our first bright idea for the evening: for $10 they had a book on how to draw basic, childish images like cows, bunnies, etc... and it came with crayons & a sketch pad. so we split the price and carried this treasure to serious coffee... where we sat & drew, laughing and just enjoying each other, for the next two hours... it was fabulous..! she has an excellent adventurous spirit. there was never a moment where we ran out of things to say.

at 9pm we headed down to lucky's and paid cover and got our stamps... glenn was there and let us know that his band was to be the last of four, so we decided to act on our impulsive urges for decadent food... we walked to moxie's to cheat on our vegan/vegetarian diets! i ordered a ceasar salad [bad vegan] and she got calamari [bad vegetarian] and we both indulged in our guilty pleasures. it was SO good. we hung out there for an hour or two and headed back to lucky's.

two relatively unknown bands were the first acts, which we missed, but we got back on time to see yum yum bang bang perform, which was definitely enjoyable. i'd never seen them before but had heard good things... and nisa & i danced, which i loved - she just dragged me onto the floor despite the fact that few others were dancing. [fucking hipsters, standing around with their arms crossed & bopping their heads. gr.] i love her free spirit energy. the burbank project was up next, and it was my first time seeing them perform, and it was AWESOME. they are a very fabulous kind of screamo and it was great to just wiggle around & rock out too. the winner was judged by screaming, of course, but in a very high tech manner: they actually had a decibel meter. so cheering for the burbank project hit 118 decibels... and yum yum bang bang hit 119! it was veryvery close, and i'm proud of those guys. nisa really enjoyed it too, and we got to hold hands and flail about on the dancefloor. super cute.

afterwards, nisa walked me home [aw] and i invited her in for a while to meet my rats... i showed her around and we wound up sitting by my bookshelf and talking literature for a good hour. bestill my heart.

and YES, i did get a good night kiss.
so awesome.

current mood: happy

(34 songs | sing for strength)

Thursday, January 19th, 2006
5:48 pm - chase all the bad dreams away
i am having trouble today, struggling with melancholy, struggling with my body. it's very frustrating to be this body, to be within it so completely, staring out... and have it malfunction on me so often. i try my best to pay homage to what i have, to recognize all my blessings & priveleges... try to respect this body as a temple. and yet time & time again it forces me into the realm of the purely physical, where i am more aware than i want to be of bodily pains. and i also recognize that this is not the fault of my body, but of chemicals that have been introduced to it years ago... and i struggle each day, in & out, with the ability to eat, sleep, walk... the basics occasionally shutting down on me. i'm trying to learn to make my way through this process gracefully, i am trying, trying every day. it's just somedays i have to allow myself to say this fucking sucks, at least honour my anger & frustation. and then just let it pass.

anyways... here are a couple of photos from my latest shoot. i'll post the rest of them later.

there are few nudities so objectionable as the naked truth.Collapse )

current mood: crappy

(3 songs | sing for strength)

Thursday, January 12th, 2006
8:04 pm - assemble with the frail paleness of moths
i had a photo shoot today, which went over well, though i was in a silly mood... luckily so was my dear photographer, and we kind of just giggled our way through the set.
i got to see the negatives from our last photo shoot, and i am absolutely thrilled at how they turned out. tomorrow night, chris [the photographer] is having a little friday the 13th shindig at his place, and he is also going to put on a little show, showcasing the work we've done together. i'm excited.
i'll post pictures as soon as i can.

oh, and by the way: i got impatient with my hair, and shaved it into a chelsea cut.
it looks really good, but i still want dreadlocks... ugh.
so the waiting process begins again.

i originally had plans to go & see tom green [!!!] at sugar tonight, but i found out the price is $25 at the door. which is too damn much, if you ask me.
but i was looking forward to yelling out "what was it like fucking drew barrymore?"
i guess now i'll never know.

current mood: artistic

(7 songs | sing for strength)

Sunday, January 8th, 2006
5:38 pm - fit for those outlaws to ride home on
are you aware that an _anti_gay_ community exists?
and it's not just the fact that this community exists that bothers me...
it's the fact that so many queer-identified people seem to be a part of it. the arguments seem to go around & around, with nothing being accomplished by either side, and everyone just manages to make themselves look like an idiot. i just don't understand - no one gains anything from the experience. it's just tedious.

yesterday casper_ware's birthday was celebrated... even though it is technically today. [happy birthday danny!] a group of us gathered at his place for a cheesy game of star wars monopoly, and then around 11pm we went to evolutions, which was fabulous. it had been so very long since i'd been to a bar... and generally, i'm not a bar person. but i realize going once in a while makes the whole experience a lot more fun for me... it was great to just dance & dance for hours. freeing. not to mention i got to see quite a few friends i hadn't seen in ages, and it was great to re-connect. i didn't drink anything but water, and i'm proud of myself for that. i'm realizing i am stronger than i anticipated when it comes to turning down booze. we all seemed to have a good time, and around 1:30am danny & rachel walked me home and headed back to their place. i made myself delicious grilled[soy]cheese sandwiches and watched a bunch of episodes of the powerpuff girls and went to bed.
good times.

current mood: full

(4 songs | sing for strength)

Thursday, January 5th, 2006
7:14 pm - rigged poker-stiff on her back with a granite grin
this is what insomniacs are reduced to.Collapse )

current mood: restless

(10 songs | sing for strength)

Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
9:41 pm - despite her wrung hands
tonight is the quadrantid meteor shower.
i wish i were in eastern europe.

i've been feeling the heavy weight of melancholy today...
but was cheered up by packages i received from changed_hope & questioningit. thankyou both so much!!

i'm hoping tomorrow my mood will have lifted.

an interesting bit of information: on this day in 1967 carl wilson of the beach boys was idicted for draft evasion

current mood: depressed

(6 songs | sing for strength)

Sunday, January 1st, 2006
4:58 pm - waken the sly nerve up
i had an amazing beautiful joyous evening last night.

i decided to go to the kenmore house party... which is basically a faction of the hippie mansion, the house i used to live in. the dresscode was formal, so _thekira_ came over early and we spent a couple of hours ransacking my closet and pondering over what exactly constitutes as "formal". i finally settled on this black gothish dress i wore to prom years ago, and kira went with some black pants & a white dress shirt. neither of us are exactly "formal" people.

so we got to the kenmore house early, around 9:30pm, and not many people were there yet... so we hung-out in justin's room [even though he wasn't home] because that's what i do at the kenmore house: sit on justin's uber comfy bed and play with the degu. the degu! for those of you who don't know what a degu is... they are peruvian ground squirrels, and very cute & cuddly. the degu that resides at the kenmore house originally belonged to teddy, who just recently moved out... but he left the degu behind, and no one seemed very attached to the little guy, so my mission for the evening was to adopt the darling degu. later on in the evening i hunted down teddy & the kenmore house members, and... i now own a degu!! complete with cage & food & bedding. i'm so excited! whenever i visit the kenmore house, i always wind up playing with the degu, so we've bonded already and i'm excited to have him as my companion. i'm thinking i'll name him hermit... but i don't know. any ideas for names?? i'm going to pick him up in a few days.

so around 11pm people really started to show up... kira & i spent a lot of time just exploring the whole house and mingling with those deemed interesting... listening to jonno spinning in the basement... speculating on who would end up fucking who at the end of the night... then kayo & andy came and got us for super secret fireworks across the road [which is an elementary school, i believe]... a bunch of the hippie mansion folks & us sneaked off and at exactly midnight they set off all of these huge beautiful magnificent fireworks, and we all oohed & ahhed and hugged & kissed each other.

we eventually drifted back to the house and into justin's room which quickly became the vip room of all us old hippie mansion members [and other close friends & fabulous people.] maxx, katherine, kayo, jenny, allison, omar, kraig, goo, andy, courtney, dub c, kira & me all wedged ourselves onto the bed and giggled and cuddled, sharing old stories and remembering all the good times we had together... it was so cozy and beautiful. and alarming how fast we are growing up... some of those kids are nearing 30! andy & i are the babies of the group. so this good time chatting & sharing lasted until about 5am... goo & i were getting all emotional, going on about how it was the best new years we'd had... aw, i love those folks!

i'm feeling mellow blissed out and happy with such a lovely evening. today i'm just hanging out in my jammies... and i'm going to go to bed early... enjoying my solitude and being good to myself.

how was your night?

current mood: weird

(13 songs | sing for strength)

Saturday, December 31st, 2005
3:08 pm - enough to snuff the quick of her small heat out
for the girl who must now be nameless

[excerpt from my paper journal.
written last night.]

i keep fucking with the rats, get up, pad pad pad through the kitchen, turn on the living room light and fuck with their nocturnal world, all dazed & confused staring at me. i love you kids but there is someone sleeping in my bed so i can't take you out. tomorrow i will. today i said goodbye to her. not like a final goodbye or melodramatic ritual burning, no. i still have her presence on my altar still love her.
[i rub this x on my arm represents: desperation.]
i painted my lamp black. first thing she touched laying half naked in my bed sticking fishy stickers on my blue lamp and even though my ocd mind cringed, i let her because i loved her already. six years later i peel the stickers off and paint over it all. time to move on but i'm still honouring the past. she'll come back into my life, i have faith, i think. i'm haunted by an image of her tears and his abuse. i must think better thoughts. i must wish her love. but the only way i see of ever having her back is her being low because i am the handsome prince, the one to always answer 3am phone calls and to show up with ice cream. her favorite: chocolate chip cookie dough. i remember eating it all melting sticky on our fingers lips spoons in the back of jon's volvo, while he drove us around for hours all fucked up on speed. i remember the first time i accidentally opened a door to discover her snorting meth off a mirror in some sleazy boys bedroom and the shock sinking into my gut. fucking meth fucking that house. donuts at 5am and beer cans all over the floor. we all had our secrets and each night we made our own discoveries. i don't even remember all their names. i can remember invasive sticky boy fingers and the sun in my eyes... sleeping cocooned in a sleeping bag on the beach with her. in each other we were safe. i want her to find me, i want her to read me, i want her to tear up and remember. i want her to recognize that our love existed. first times sloppy drunk fumblings and kisses, her saying i love you and it echoed because yeah it was teenage rebellion love it was teenage drunk love it was self-discovery love and yeah, for sure, yeah i love you too. does she even remember? does she try to forget? whatever i am, wherever i'm at, i don't deny. i don't wallow in that sort of apathy. i want to rescue her. and i'm guilty of seeing her as some sort of damsel in distress, because hell we both were, and it's wrong for me to think that i'm the only one whose gone and grown out of it, grown up, upwards, towards a light of some kind, some kinda self-knowledge, some kind of recognition, HOMO. or pan or bi or whatever you'd like, just not this hetero, not this lie that makes me obsolete, that makes the sex nonexistant, but even more importantly: the hand holding, the eye searching, the late night smooth warm body snuggles, tear filled midnight phone calls and i'm your prince baby, every time. i was only fifteen. what the hell was i supposed to make of it all? you introduced me to women loving, remained a constant part of my life for years & years, and then disappeared, disappeared with a teary explanation, true damsel in distress style. and i cried too because i understood but i didn't. and then these nights when i can't sleep i look at those damn sticker fish on my bedside lamp and it all comes rushing back and i want to kiss you and hit you at the same time. i want to smell your hair again. so today i got out the paint & paintbrushes and gave myself to melancholy memories, so that now on these nights when i can't sleep i look at my bedside lamp. and it is solid black.

current mood: exhausted

(10 songs | sing for strength)

Friday, December 30th, 2005
7:45 pm - lost luster under her footsoles
i've been drifting through the day...

i finished reading enter avariz by marc ngui. and i love it so much.
i've started reading the flow chronicles by the urban hermitt and am loving it so far.
i painted my blue bedside table lamp black today, to match my new bedframe. it looks pretty spiffy.

i still am unsure of what to do for new years eve... of what i want to do. probably just going to the kenmore house for their party. formal wear.
what are your plans?

"oh madonna of the trail,
your sisters crossed this nation
full of brave determination
looking for the land of their dreams
but the dream comes up empty
in this land of plenty
in my hometown."

-jane gillman

i miss you.

current mood: listless

(11 songs | sing for strength)

Thursday, December 29th, 2005
5:56 pm - i do not expect a miracle or an accident
i've been working on this new zine project, my very first perzine that is compiled entirely of my own works. it's going to take me a while to finish it to a point where i'm happy with the product, but it's an amazing journey and a creative concept that i'm very happy with.
but oh, can it be emotional... as it involves exploring so many of my old journals, reliving so many sadnesses. i have to watch not to overwhelm myself with it all.

i'm all gussied up right now, lookin the most femme i have in a while, to go out to dinner with my family. every single year since i can remember, we have gone out for dinner at a different fancy restaurant on new years eve. since my sister is working this new years eve [what the fuck is up with that?! gr] we're having our annual dinner tonight... i'm looking forward to it. i love spending time with my amazing family.

i spent my yesterday & today with _thekira_, celebrating her birthday in pjs with ordered in lotus pond. mm. and pancakes this morning! such delightful lazy times. and she got me this very lovely bracelet as a belated xmas gift, and i somehow managed to gauge my thumb on it, resulting in much blood shed and an unsightly bandaid.
femme jewellery hates me.

current mood: impressed

(4 songs | sing for strength)

Wednesday, December 28th, 2005
12:20 am - his gait stray uneven
korbin_boi just got back from vancouver and brought me back presents!
a handmade patch that says 'up with trees, down with capitalism'.
the flow chronicles by the urban hermitt.
'slingshot', an anarchist 2006 organizer.
the 'boys will be girls will be boys...' coloring book.

today i was walking home at around 5pm. it was dark, relatively speaking. i cut through the field by my house, and noticed a man walking not far behind me... he picked up the pace when i turned the corner. he was a few feet away from me and my heart was hammering in my throat... i grabbed my cell from my bag and began to dial, and this caused him to abruptly stop and fall back, turning around.
holy fuck.
i don't even want to know what i just avoided.
so many men are entirely unaware of their priveleges and what us women have to go through... just walking. i have to be aware of the time, where i am, who i am with, if i can defend myself... this ordeal everyday.
i was attacked one night by a group of men when i was only 16.
i don't know one single woman who has not been assaulted by a man at one point or another.
i'm so sick of it... trying to watch myself, watch the sky, watch the dark fall and wonder if i can make it home safe. i'm sick of checking with female friends before they leave, where are you walking, how far, call me when you get home. having to move in groups, watch our backs. buy mace and whistles and learn self-defense.
it should not be up to us to do all of that just to stay safe.
it should be up to men to stop fucking raping us.

current mood: hyper

(10 songs | sing for strength)

Monday, December 26th, 2005
11:37 pm - blunt in self-interest
i am sleepy by artificial means.
i have been wandering aimlessly around my place all night for far too long, and so here i am resorting to sleeping pills. i can't stand the way i feel the morning after, but... i'm desperate. nothing else i try works. i'm craving a deep unbroken sleep.

i'm craving other things too.

i've been daydreaming about moving lately... i find it so hard to live in any one space for longer than six months, and i hit the one year mark of living in this particular basement suite in february. i'm beginning to crave living in a large house with lots of roommates once again... even though right now i don't think that's best for me. but in the coming new year, i fantasize about finding a glorious heritage home with plenty of space to rent out with friends and turn into an amazing queer veggie space. mm. interested?

it will officially be _thekira_'s birthday in a matter of minutes. happy birthday dear!!

current mood: blank

(7 songs | sing for strength)

Saturday, December 24th, 2005
12:33 am - o cacophony, goddess of jazz and of quarrels
i do not like this time of year.

i'm not deliberately attempting to be the archetype of scrooge, but seriously.
i'm not into this mass consumer frenzy.
i'm not into people assuming i celebrate christmas and then being taken aback when i say "happy winter solstice" in reply to their "merry christmas".
i'm not into the fact that so many people who celebrate christmas, which is meant to be a celebration of the person who is supposedly meant to be their savior, completely ignore jesus christ and his teachings, and instead spend ridiculus sums of money on frivolities. i mean, how does that remotely celebrate the birth of jesus christ? i know it seems as though i have more in common with right-wing christians than with anyone else at this point: but at this time of year, the truth is i do have more in common with them.

as a pagan, i honour the earth, i embrace the darkness of the season, i celebrate the winter solstice.
christmas is meant to be a christian holiday, and yet here it is: taking over the lives of even those who are non-religious and sending us into a hyper explosion of consumption.
i do not like literally thousands of trees being slaughtered and stuck inside houses to wilt away.
trees belong outside. for fuck's sake.
and can i comment on the amount of electricity being wasted?! with the amount of extra money people are spending on their electricity bills, an entire country of people could be fed.
you tell me, what is more christ-like:
spending hundreds of dollars on materialistic items, crappy junk food, and bright blinking lights?
or taking that money and instead donating it to a worthy cause?
people who wear those "jesus is the reason for the season" buttons have got my support.
when it comes to christmas, jesus is the reason for the season.
and to those who do not believe in him or the religion that has been established around him and his teachings... i just don't understand why you celebrate this particular holiday. there are others you can participate in, if you feel it necessary to do something festive.
i personally do not worship jesus, and therefore don't go out of my way to honour him on the day of his birth and choose not to celebrate christmas.
that, to me, makes sense.

shit, i'm sorry for this bitter rant, but i'm just at the end of my rope this year.
my family celebrates christmas and are not in the least religious... i recognize that it's a nice time of year to cozy up and spend time with the family... but anything beyond that i find hard to understand.
i don't like having to wait until a specific date falls in order to give love & charity to people...
i feel as though christmas is some sort of crutch that so many rely on:
i donated money at xmas, i don't need to give any to that panhandler.
i can assuage my guilt of being a lousy parent by bombarding my children with expensive gifts.
i can visit my parents once a year to keep them happy.

i'm not opposed to celebration!
i'm not opposed to good cheer!
i'm not opposed to spending quality time with my family!
but for chrissake, why do we [as a society] have to rely on this one day that, for so many, holds no religious meaning, in order to express all of that?!

this season.
gets to me every year.

current mood: okay

(8 songs | sing for strength)

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